TicTac sent me this message: "I am sick and tired of being shy... I can't seem to go up to girls and start talking to them. My heart skips and I feel so uncomfortable. Do you have any tips that eliminates approach anxiety?"
Of course! Approach anxiety is the main problem that most men have the biggest problem with. It is a mind thing and the only way to fix your approach anxiety problem is to get more comfortable being social and feeling confident.
Click here to check out three IMPORTANT tips to help you eliminate approach anxiety and shyness.
-Marcus
GoodSideoftheNet.com Advice
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Having Good Body Language
I've received quite a few questions about body language and if I have any tips on what is good posture and what is bad posture. Well, a great book called Magic Bullets, has a really great section all about Body Language and I will present to you all the list. I highly recommend every guy out there to purchase this book because it really has the best advice on attracting women. I've read the book personally and it changed my life (relationship wise :P).
Here is the good body language list from the book Magic Bullets:
Good body language is relaxed, calm, and confident. Bad body language is associated with (and usually comes from) insecurity, nervousness, and defensiveness.
As a general rule, if a position looks uncomfortable, it conveys low status. This is true whether or not a position happens to be comfortable for you. High-status men do not tend to squish themselves into awkward or uncomfortable positions. Partly because of this, we respect the principle of “locking in”.
Locking In
Within the first 30-60 seconds of an interaction (longer in some specific cases, but shoot for this timeframe), you should be adopting a comfortable and socially-dominant physical position relative to the group you approach. This is especially true if the group is primarily made up mostly of women, but it also applies to mixed groups as well.
The most common example of locking in comes when you are leading up against a wall or a bar and the group is facing you.
This sounds harder to achieve than it really is in reality. Once you’ve been talking to a group for a few seconds, you can move around (or gently move the people you are speaking to) to establish this position. Just keep talking as if nothing is happening.
If the group doesn’t happen to be near an appropriate vertical surface, you can wait a bit longer
and then as you solidify the group’s interest, you can slowly move and motion for the group to follow you, so that you establish this position.
Locking in also refers to sitting down with a group that is already seated. Deliver your false time
constraint as you sit. Use body language for the first couple minutes that you are
sitting down to imply that you are about to leave.
Locking in is very important. If you stay standing next to seated group or face a group that has a
wall behind it and you’re obviously the outsider, you will lose value. Your physical positioning will imply that you are hitting on them, regardless of what you say. Not only will the group notice, but other people in the venue will notice. And you’ll lose value with other groups you subsequently approach.
The following list highlights the most important body language dos and don’ts. But they don’t all have the same importance. Focus first on everything in the head and face section (especially eye contact) and keeping your shoulders back. It’s hard to simultaneously focus on 18 different things that your body is doing, especially while you’re also trying to carry on a conversation. So focus on a couple of them at a time, internalize them until you don’t have to consciously think about them, and then move on to the next ones.
Overall Posture
-Marcus
http://www.goodsideofthenet.com/advice
Here is the good body language list from the book Magic Bullets:
Good body language is relaxed, calm, and confident. Bad body language is associated with (and usually comes from) insecurity, nervousness, and defensiveness.
As a general rule, if a position looks uncomfortable, it conveys low status. This is true whether or not a position happens to be comfortable for you. High-status men do not tend to squish themselves into awkward or uncomfortable positions. Partly because of this, we respect the principle of “locking in”.
Locking In
Within the first 30-60 seconds of an interaction (longer in some specific cases, but shoot for this timeframe), you should be adopting a comfortable and socially-dominant physical position relative to the group you approach. This is especially true if the group is primarily made up mostly of women, but it also applies to mixed groups as well.
The most common example of locking in comes when you are leading up against a wall or a bar and the group is facing you.
This sounds harder to achieve than it really is in reality. Once you’ve been talking to a group for a few seconds, you can move around (or gently move the people you are speaking to) to establish this position. Just keep talking as if nothing is happening.
If the group doesn’t happen to be near an appropriate vertical surface, you can wait a bit longer
and then as you solidify the group’s interest, you can slowly move and motion for the group to follow you, so that you establish this position.
Locking in also refers to sitting down with a group that is already seated. Deliver your false time
constraint as you sit. Use body language for the first couple minutes that you are
sitting down to imply that you are about to leave.
Locking in is very important. If you stay standing next to seated group or face a group that has a
wall behind it and you’re obviously the outsider, you will lose value. Your physical positioning will imply that you are hitting on them, regardless of what you say. Not only will the group notice, but other people in the venue will notice. And you’ll lose value with other groups you subsequently approach.
The following list highlights the most important body language dos and don’ts. But they don’t all have the same importance. Focus first on everything in the head and face section (especially eye contact) and keeping your shoulders back. It’s hard to simultaneously focus on 18 different things that your body is doing, especially while you’re also trying to carry on a conversation. So focus on a couple of them at a time, internalize them until you don’t have to consciously think about them, and then move on to the next ones.
Overall Posture
- Don’t lean forward to talk to someone. Tilt your head if you need to, but don’t lean in so someone can hear you or so you can hear them. If you’re having trouble being heard, speak up. If you can’t hear someone, either carry on talking (before the Qualification phase) or suggest you move somewhere quieter (in the Qualification phase or subsequently).
- Don’t slouch. Stand up straight. Sit straight. Not like a statue, you need to be relaxed a little bit, but don’t hunch your shoulders or curve your back.
- Take up space. Within the boundaries of social politeness, don’t be overly concerned about others’ personal space. Men who are comfortable taking more physical space tend to be more attractive to women.
- Eye contact is probably the most important element of body language. Hold eye contact 50% of the time when you are being spoken to and 90% of the time when you are speaking. If you are speaking to a group, switch eye contact between group members; at any given time, you should be making eye contact with one of them. At least early on, everyone in a group should get roughly equal attention; if anything, the woman you are interested in should get slightly less, not more. This helps make you a challenge to her.
- Keep your head up. Your neck should always be straight unless there is a specific reason to look down. This is a difficult one to internalize. Check yourself regularly. When I was learning to improve my body language, I focused on my head by doing a random spot-check every time I heard a phone ring.
- Relax your facial muscles, especially around your eyes and mouth. Go for a facial massage if you need to learn what relaxed facial muscles feel like.
- Smile. Show some teeth with your smile. Practice your smiles in front of the mirror. You should be smiling more often than not. Smiling actually releases positive brain chemicals, and this will help you develop a naturally positive and outgoing demeanor. And don’t just smile with your mouth. The eyes are equally important and are the easiest way to tell between a fake and a real smile.
- Keep your shoulders relaxed, down, and back. This is another difficult one to internalize and can also benefit from the “spot check” technique described above.
- When your shoulders are back, your chest should come out a bit. Don’t puff up your chest any more than happens naturally through good shoulder positioning….unless you’re auditioning for the role as an extra on a Conan the Barbarian remake.
- Keep your feet at least shoulder-width apart when you are standing.
- Allow your legs to take up a reasonable amount of space when sitting – don’t curl your legs under you or do anything to minimize the physical space you occupy.
- When you’re walking take big (but not ridiculous) steps but walk slower than normal. Your walk should communicate confidence and power.
- Don’t fidget. Fidgeting implies nervousness and insecurity. If you tend to fidget, keep away from objects that may be problematic for you (pens, rings, napkins, etc.).
- Keep your hands out of your pockets.
- Don’t make sudden wild gestures.
- Don’t let your arms become a barrier between you and someone you are talking to (e.g., holding a drink between you).
- If you’re like me and naturally have major problems making your hands behave themselves when you’re in conversation, consider hooking one or both of your thumbs into belt loops of your pants or the top of your pockets.
- When you walk, keep your arms relaxed and to the side of your body.
-Marcus
http://www.goodsideofthenet.com/advice
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Going to the Club
MarshmallowFluff sends me the following message: "Could you give me some good tips when I go to the clubs? I go to clubs with my friends every once in a while and I see really attractive girls in one club that I'm starting to go more often. How can I show the girls at the club that I'm a really fun loose guy? Should I joke around more with my friends, be all aggressive and happy... I just don't know."
Hey MarshmallowFluff (lol wow),
Here are a couple good tips that I use when I go to the clubs:
-Marcus
http://www.goodsideofthenet.com/advice
Hey MarshmallowFluff (lol wow),
Here are a couple good tips that I use when I go to the clubs:
- Act like you own the place. Walk in confidently. Keep your head high, walk slowly, don’t be afraid to take up space, and smile. How you enter a venue can set the tone for how people react to you the rest of the night.
- If you’re alone, approach a group right away (see below for how). If you’re with friends, look engaged with them. Do not wander around to “check out the bar” or scan the area with your eyes looking for attractive women.
- Be louder; almost every sober guy in a bar or club is too quiet.
- Stand up straight, make eye contact, and don’t lean in to hear her. In fact, never lean in.
-Marcus
http://www.goodsideofthenet.com/advice
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Good example of Bad Online Gaming
DS sent me the following problem:
"Ok I'm trying to do some online dating game. I'm new to this thing, so I just checked out what other puas are doing in their online profiles, put in the materials from other puas that does not make me seem like someone else, and add some of my own.
Here's how my profile looks like:
Profile deleted for privacy reasons.
Ok so I sent messages to 10 girls, and only got a response from one (and I don't think I can pull off a date with her right now). What am I doing wrong? How do I improve on my profile and messages?
BTW here is the message and response that I got:
Hi Missy
You seem like fun
Though I'm not sure
What's the craziest thing you have done when your out drinking?
Myself, I enjoy things like skydiving too, as well as limosine rides to expensive charity events, and ferrari shopping. You can be my sugar mommy and pay all the expenses for me :)
Her response:
haha oh ya!!
or...you can buy me a bunch of cool
things and i can let you borrow them
My response:
great idea!
I'll buy you milk, so you'll grow taller
messaging here is annoying. What's your phone number?
Her response:
haha im lactose in tolerent so i wont get taller
ill just throw up...and i dont give my number
out tha easily
Should I add girls to favourites before I message them? That seems to be like what everyone else is doing.
How should I change my game plan?
Thanks a lot!"
Hey Dragonstyle,
I took a look at your profile and believe me man, you are definitely not going to get any girls with what you have.
I'll first begin with what is RIGHT on your profile:
1. You have pictures of yourself, smiling and showing how much fun you can have (which is good and it shows girls you are social and not some kid who stays at his house, laying down on the couch all day)
2. ...That is all I can think of.
Now the MISTAKES you have on your profile:
1. Not enough pictures of you. Here's a couple of tips when you are adding pictures in your profile. Make sure you (or the picture) looks good in a thumbnail size picture and finally, the most important tip anyone will ever give you: Get more pictures with you surrounded with friends/people. You need to show girls that check out your profile that you are surrounded with friends/people. Doing this will show girls that you are a fun guy to be with and you have social proof. Believe me man, the more friends you have, the more attractive you will appear to girls. So go out there and talk to people (especially girls; making friends with girls is definitely going to help you find a girl in no time).
2. There is absolutely nothing about you on your profile. I read your About Me section and what you have there is the biggest turn off of all time. Not only does your About Me describe NOTHING about you, you tell girls that if they don't pick you, they are making a stupid mistake. You can't force girls to pick you over all the other guys out there. Delete everything you wrote on your About Me section and actually write something about yourself. And don't LIE about it, which brings me to:
3. Take off the "billionaire seeking girl 2 blow money on" motto right off your profile. Okay man, you are looking for a good strong relationship with a girl right? Having that motto up shows that you are going to spend money on them and they will USE you for it. The last thing you want is a girl to use you for money, right? If you are just doing this for online dating (being with another girl over the internet but never really meeting each other at all because you both live in different states or country), it would still be a disaster. No girl wants to be with a guy who lies about being a billionaire. Even if you are a billionaire, girls will find you TOO EASY to be with. They will use you and then stop talking to you once you bought a good amount of gifts for her.
4. What the "First Date" box is showing has to be the BIGGEST turn-off in your whole page. Oh Gawd man, just re-read what you wrote:
"I'll confess that i'm deeply in love with you and I want to have sex with you and your my soulmate and I'll propose to you. Then I'll phone you ten times a day asking you what I did wrong until you change your phone number."
Let me explain to you what you are saying just in case you actually think your quote is "very clever".
What you are saying is that you are deeply in love with someone you just know for one single day (which I assume because it's in the First Date box) and you are going to use that fake love in hope to have sex with her. That shows girls you are a pervert... Now you are saying you will propose to her on your first date with her... c'mon man... it is a BIG step for women when it comes to getting MARRIED... so why would you propose to her when you just know her for ONE DAY? Right after, you will phone her 10 times a day, which just plain shows girls that not only are you a pervert and a liar... you are also a stalker.
If you are saying to yourself "Yo Marcus, that whole thing is just a joke... it's for fun". No dude, it really isn't. When I read your About Me section, it shows girls that you are arrogant because "they are not sure what they are looking for in a guy". Girls DO know what they are looking for in a guy and you have no right to tell them that they are making a mistake if they meet someone else other than you.
The funniest thing I saw in your profile was this:
"-untrustworthy, because I'm always honest and trustworthy to everyone around me, and I deserve better"
How could you be honest or trustworthy if you are lying about being a billionaire and saying in your First Date box that you will love a girl on the same day you have the first date with her just so you can get into her pants. Honestly, you really don't deserve better and that is what the 10 girls you sent a message to are thinking.
5. I see you are in no one's favorite list... Remember what I said previously? Having a lot of friends shows a girl that people love chilling with you and you are an easy-going guy and cool. Seeing that you have no friends on your profile is a BIG turn-off also. Make new friends!
Now to explain to you what went wrong in your email conversation with that girl you were talking to:
------------------------
Hi Missy
------------------------
-Not a great start. Online gaming and real-time gaming are two different things. Girls know that they need to be more careful when they are online gaming because of all the sexual predators out there. Imagine you were a girl and you read "Hey Missy" on your email from some guy who only has three pictures of himself, has nothing that describes anything about the guy, and his About Me and First Date boxes show how arrogant he is and how he will only love the girl just for sex... Yeah... SEXUAL PREDATOR ALERT! SEXUAL PREDATOR ALERT!
------------------------
You seem like fun
------------------------
-How do you even know? You don't even know her. Once again, this line only works at the clubs just because the girl will see that you were watching her laughing or having fun with her friends. And that line feels like a stupid pick-up line when you read it over the Internet.
------------------------
Though I'm not sure
What's the craziest thing you have done when your out drinking?
------------------------
-Her first impression after looking at your lacking profile and your "Hey Missy, You seem like fun" business should already have her deleting your email by now. But if she has read this far, she will read that question and think: "Umm... why should I talk about myself when your profile clearly shows you don't want to describe what kind of person you are..."
-----------------------
Myself, I enjoy things like skydiving too, as well as limosine rides to expensive charity events, and ferrari shopping. You can be my sugar mommy and pay all the expenses for me :)"
-----------------------
-Once again, stupid line to use while online gaming. These lines only work at the clubs or outside because you need to make yourself sound like you are joking around when you say the above line. A girl reading that will think you are using your money to get into her pants and that shows girls that you think they are sluts and easy to get. By the way, you are not a damn billionaire! Everyone hates an asshole who brags about their money. Don't even use the line above...
-----------------------
her response:
"haha oh ya!!
or...you can buy me a bunch of cool
things and i can let you borrow them "
-----------------------
-I'm surprised she even sent you a message back but I guess she's really bored. Right there, you can see that she is more attracted about your money than YOU! If a girl is more attracted to your money than you, you are obviously going to get used and thrown in a garbage can when she's done getting what she wants. You are showing how easy you are!
------------------------
my response:
"great idea!
I'll buy you milk, so you'll grow taller"
------------------------
-Personally, I find that line to be amusing but once again, it is much better to use it OUT there at the clubs or anywhere outside rather than using it for online gaming. Hmm... actually that line sounds really funny so you could get a few laughs using it while online gaming but faking about being a billionaire has already caused big problems for you by now. The girl talking to you probably didn't find it funny at all because she's not interested in you. She honestly doesn't give a shit about you, just your money.
------------------------
messaging here is annoying. What's your phone number?"
------------------------
-You are asking for her phone number... after turning her off so many times above. By now, it shows you are desperate and too easy. She will even think you are a sexual predator and you want her phone number so you can look her up on Yellow pages and figure out where she lives.
------------------------
her response:
"haha im lactose in tolerent so i wont get taller
ill just throw up...and i dont give my number
out tha easily"
------------------------
Fail. Move on. By now, she is definitely not interested in you after you showed her how easy you are. She doesn't EVEN KNOW you and nothing in your profile describes anything about you. You don't even have what your hobbies are on your profile. And she also didn't give her phone number because she probably read your First Date section on your profile, and she doesn't want some stalker calling her ten times every day.
Overall man, you really need a big fix up with your profile. Follow my advice above and when you think you have fixed it up, go to http://www.goodsideofthenet.com/advice and send another form, so I can check it out and rate your profile again.
By the way, I probably sounded harsh but don't take it personally. :)
Good luck!
-Marcus
http://www.goodsideofthenet.com/advice
"Ok I'm trying to do some online dating game. I'm new to this thing, so I just checked out what other puas are doing in their online profiles, put in the materials from other puas that does not make me seem like someone else, and add some of my own.
Here's how my profile looks like:
Profile deleted for privacy reasons.
Ok so I sent messages to 10 girls, and only got a response from one (and I don't think I can pull off a date with her right now). What am I doing wrong? How do I improve on my profile and messages?
BTW here is the message and response that I got:
Hi Missy
You seem like fun
Though I'm not sure
What's the craziest thing you have done when your out drinking?
Myself, I enjoy things like skydiving too, as well as limosine rides to expensive charity events, and ferrari shopping. You can be my sugar mommy and pay all the expenses for me :)
Her response:
haha oh ya!!
or...you can buy me a bunch of cool
things and i can let you borrow them
My response:
great idea!
I'll buy you milk, so you'll grow taller
messaging here is annoying. What's your phone number?
Her response:
haha im lactose in tolerent so i wont get taller
ill just throw up...and i dont give my number
out tha easily
Should I add girls to favourites before I message them? That seems to be like what everyone else is doing.
How should I change my game plan?
Thanks a lot!"
Hey Dragonstyle,
I took a look at your profile and believe me man, you are definitely not going to get any girls with what you have.
I'll first begin with what is RIGHT on your profile:
1. You have pictures of yourself, smiling and showing how much fun you can have (which is good and it shows girls you are social and not some kid who stays at his house, laying down on the couch all day)
2. ...That is all I can think of.
Now the MISTAKES you have on your profile:
1. Not enough pictures of you. Here's a couple of tips when you are adding pictures in your profile. Make sure you (or the picture) looks good in a thumbnail size picture and finally, the most important tip anyone will ever give you: Get more pictures with you surrounded with friends/people. You need to show girls that check out your profile that you are surrounded with friends/people. Doing this will show girls that you are a fun guy to be with and you have social proof. Believe me man, the more friends you have, the more attractive you will appear to girls. So go out there and talk to people (especially girls; making friends with girls is definitely going to help you find a girl in no time).
2. There is absolutely nothing about you on your profile. I read your About Me section and what you have there is the biggest turn off of all time. Not only does your About Me describe NOTHING about you, you tell girls that if they don't pick you, they are making a stupid mistake. You can't force girls to pick you over all the other guys out there. Delete everything you wrote on your About Me section and actually write something about yourself. And don't LIE about it, which brings me to:
3. Take off the "billionaire seeking girl 2 blow money on" motto right off your profile. Okay man, you are looking for a good strong relationship with a girl right? Having that motto up shows that you are going to spend money on them and they will USE you for it. The last thing you want is a girl to use you for money, right? If you are just doing this for online dating (being with another girl over the internet but never really meeting each other at all because you both live in different states or country), it would still be a disaster. No girl wants to be with a guy who lies about being a billionaire. Even if you are a billionaire, girls will find you TOO EASY to be with. They will use you and then stop talking to you once you bought a good amount of gifts for her.
4. What the "First Date" box is showing has to be the BIGGEST turn-off in your whole page. Oh Gawd man, just re-read what you wrote:
"I'll confess that i'm deeply in love with you and I want to have sex with you and your my soulmate and I'll propose to you. Then I'll phone you ten times a day asking you what I did wrong until you change your phone number."
Let me explain to you what you are saying just in case you actually think your quote is "very clever".
What you are saying is that you are deeply in love with someone you just know for one single day (which I assume because it's in the First Date box) and you are going to use that fake love in hope to have sex with her. That shows girls you are a pervert... Now you are saying you will propose to her on your first date with her... c'mon man... it is a BIG step for women when it comes to getting MARRIED... so why would you propose to her when you just know her for ONE DAY? Right after, you will phone her 10 times a day, which just plain shows girls that not only are you a pervert and a liar... you are also a stalker.
If you are saying to yourself "Yo Marcus, that whole thing is just a joke... it's for fun". No dude, it really isn't. When I read your About Me section, it shows girls that you are arrogant because "they are not sure what they are looking for in a guy". Girls DO know what they are looking for in a guy and you have no right to tell them that they are making a mistake if they meet someone else other than you.
The funniest thing I saw in your profile was this:
"-untrustworthy, because I'm always honest and trustworthy to everyone around me, and I deserve better"
How could you be honest or trustworthy if you are lying about being a billionaire and saying in your First Date box that you will love a girl on the same day you have the first date with her just so you can get into her pants. Honestly, you really don't deserve better and that is what the 10 girls you sent a message to are thinking.
5. I see you are in no one's favorite list... Remember what I said previously? Having a lot of friends shows a girl that people love chilling with you and you are an easy-going guy and cool. Seeing that you have no friends on your profile is a BIG turn-off also. Make new friends!
Now to explain to you what went wrong in your email conversation with that girl you were talking to:
------------------------
Hi Missy
------------------------
-Not a great start. Online gaming and real-time gaming are two different things. Girls know that they need to be more careful when they are online gaming because of all the sexual predators out there. Imagine you were a girl and you read "Hey Missy" on your email from some guy who only has three pictures of himself, has nothing that describes anything about the guy, and his About Me and First Date boxes show how arrogant he is and how he will only love the girl just for sex... Yeah... SEXUAL PREDATOR ALERT! SEXUAL PREDATOR ALERT!
------------------------
You seem like fun
------------------------
-How do you even know? You don't even know her. Once again, this line only works at the clubs just because the girl will see that you were watching her laughing or having fun with her friends. And that line feels like a stupid pick-up line when you read it over the Internet.
------------------------
Though I'm not sure
What's the craziest thing you have done when your out drinking?
------------------------
-Her first impression after looking at your lacking profile and your "Hey Missy, You seem like fun" business should already have her deleting your email by now. But if she has read this far, she will read that question and think: "Umm... why should I talk about myself when your profile clearly shows you don't want to describe what kind of person you are..."
-----------------------
Myself, I enjoy things like skydiving too, as well as limosine rides to expensive charity events, and ferrari shopping. You can be my sugar mommy and pay all the expenses for me :)"
-----------------------
-Once again, stupid line to use while online gaming. These lines only work at the clubs or outside because you need to make yourself sound like you are joking around when you say the above line. A girl reading that will think you are using your money to get into her pants and that shows girls that you think they are sluts and easy to get. By the way, you are not a damn billionaire! Everyone hates an asshole who brags about their money. Don't even use the line above...
-----------------------
her response:
"haha oh ya!!
or...you can buy me a bunch of cool
things and i can let you borrow them "
-----------------------
-I'm surprised she even sent you a message back but I guess she's really bored. Right there, you can see that she is more attracted about your money than YOU! If a girl is more attracted to your money than you, you are obviously going to get used and thrown in a garbage can when she's done getting what she wants. You are showing how easy you are!
------------------------
my response:
"great idea!
I'll buy you milk, so you'll grow taller"
------------------------
-Personally, I find that line to be amusing but once again, it is much better to use it OUT there at the clubs or anywhere outside rather than using it for online gaming. Hmm... actually that line sounds really funny so you could get a few laughs using it while online gaming but faking about being a billionaire has already caused big problems for you by now. The girl talking to you probably didn't find it funny at all because she's not interested in you. She honestly doesn't give a shit about you, just your money.
------------------------
messaging here is annoying. What's your phone number?"
------------------------
-You are asking for her phone number... after turning her off so many times above. By now, it shows you are desperate and too easy. She will even think you are a sexual predator and you want her phone number so you can look her up on Yellow pages and figure out where she lives.
------------------------
her response:
"haha im lactose in tolerent so i wont get taller
ill just throw up...and i dont give my number
out tha easily"
------------------------
Fail. Move on. By now, she is definitely not interested in you after you showed her how easy you are. She doesn't EVEN KNOW you and nothing in your profile describes anything about you. You don't even have what your hobbies are on your profile. And she also didn't give her phone number because she probably read your First Date section on your profile, and she doesn't want some stalker calling her ten times every day.
Overall man, you really need a big fix up with your profile. Follow my advice above and when you think you have fixed it up, go to http://www.goodsideofthenet
By the way, I probably sounded harsh but don't take it personally. :)
Good luck!
-Marcus
http://www.goodsideofthenet
Monday, January 7, 2008
Attracting Hot Girls (9's and 10's)
Confused sent me this message: "Hey marcus, how tha hell do you attract HOT women!?!?!?!? it is rlly getting to me... I look decent looking im not ugly but I want to know wut the secret is to get hot girls to like you! Most of the time i'm lost when I try to talk to these girls and i remember flirting with one hot girl but it felt like she brushed her shoulders off and left me sitting there like a loser... Your advice means a lot, I've read so many articles about making women attracted to u but whenever i do it myself, it just doesnt end up working at all!"
Ricky sent me this message: "Is it true that nice guys don't get the hot girls? Is it because we are too... nice... i respect women so much, but lately I've seen girls from my high school dating bunch of assholes. Girls are so confusing sometimes... I need your help"
Most men believe that really attractive women are extremely hard to get. Let me tell you that it really isn't. Well... it isn't hard but it isn't easy either. You need to play the game in a different way.
It takes the same time and effort, but gaming 9's and 10's is different. Sometimes gaming 7's are harder than gaming 9's and 10's.
Girls that are 7's and 8's want a man that is nice to her and not a total ass with her, but they want a man that is somewhat strong and shows that he's alpha (so they feel secure with you). They also want their man to be somewhat sensitive so she has an emotional bond with him, too.
Your game for these girls have to be done well. You need to figure out how much you need to be dominant in the relationship to keep the attraction going and also how much of a connection (sympathetical relation) you need to pull her into bed. But one of the things that turns me on about women is how all of them are different in some way. Each girl you meet is different! It is very personal for them to know how much attraction and connection she needs with another man. There are so many factors that controls this ratio, and formula is complicated.
Here are a few factors :
To conclude, these girls need more rapport than attraction in her relationship.
Now we are going to talk about very attractive girls (the ones we rank 9's and 10's, which they look like supermodels). These girls are much more different and I will explain to you why, but first, let's take a look at the life of an attractive woman!
By being different!
So basically to be different, and to create attraction, you need to break every possible rapport with her and you don't want to connect with her at all. You need to be different than everyone else. You need to show that you are not affected by her beauty at all, and you don't think she is special at all. You need to be a totally selfish bastard.
When you are with these hot girls, you have to cut every rapport away from her. She needs to create rapport with you. If you show any sign of interest and attraction to her, it might be a turn off to her. Remember that she can get whatever she wants and if you already show any attraction to her, it'll get boring for her. Don't give her what she wants.
Here are some examples when conversing with a 10:
You have to be really careful how you take her IOIs (Indication of Interest).
If she says something like: "I like you, I can't get enough of you, you make me so happy..." Don't drop your game and think it's game over, you win. If you reply saying something like: "I really care about you also.. I like you a lot." It will be game over for YOU. Why? Because you showed her affection and she will see you as like the other guys she has been with and dealt with.
It's a sensitive game to play... making one mistake will cost you.
It is best to be congruent with your original image.
I want to thank a PUA named "badboy" at a forum. I've read his article on how to treat really attractive women and pretty much the whole thing you read above is his teachings! I still follow the above advice and I've been with two really attractive girls and I am in a year relationship with one of them.
I wish you all the best of luck! Go out there and socialize!
-Marcus
GoodSideoftheNet.com Attraction and Love Advice
P.S = You have Attraction/Love problems? Click here to send your problem to me and I will try to help you out.
Ricky sent me this message: "Is it true that nice guys don't get the hot girls? Is it because we are too... nice... i respect women so much, but lately I've seen girls from my high school dating bunch of assholes. Girls are so confusing sometimes... I need your help"
Most men believe that really attractive women are extremely hard to get. Let me tell you that it really isn't. Well... it isn't hard but it isn't easy either. You need to play the game in a different way.
It takes the same time and effort, but gaming 9's and 10's is different. Sometimes gaming 7's are harder than gaming 9's and 10's.
Girls that are 7's and 8's want a man that is nice to her and not a total ass with her, but they want a man that is somewhat strong and shows that he's alpha (so they feel secure with you). They also want their man to be somewhat sensitive so she has an emotional bond with him, too.
Your game for these girls have to be done well. You need to figure out how much you need to be dominant in the relationship to keep the attraction going and also how much of a connection (sympathetical relation) you need to pull her into bed. But one of the things that turns me on about women is how all of them are different in some way. Each girl you meet is different! It is very personal for them to know how much attraction and connection she needs with another man. There are so many factors that controls this ratio, and formula is complicated.
Here are a few factors :
- Parents ( who is more dominant in house ) - they always search for a father role in future BF
- First sexual experience \ First boyfriend (for example, if guy was cheating on her, she will search lots of rapport & trust in the next guy who comes, and less attraction)
- Last boyfriend (If the guy was bad in sex, she will look for guys who are more dominant and more sexual)
- Her friends (her friends have a lot of influence on her, and she will mirror their value)
To conclude, these girls need more rapport than attraction in her relationship.
Now we are going to talk about very attractive girls (the ones we rank 9's and 10's, which they look like supermodels). These girls are much more different and I will explain to you why, but first, let's take a look at the life of an attractive woman!
- Parents know how beautiful she is and they treat her whole life as a precious diamond.
- In high school, she is a Princess and guys are hitting on her left and right. All guys want to have sex with her.
- Every time she goes out, guys are licking her ass, and do everything she wants as they think that's the way to get into her panties.
- All guys are super, super insecure around her, and treat her nicely.
- She finds a rich boyfriend (Sponsor) who buys her everything. He's fun for a while, but after some time, she dumps him.
- When she asks for something, she gets it!
By being different!
So basically to be different, and to create attraction, you need to break every possible rapport with her and you don't want to connect with her at all. You need to be different than everyone else. You need to show that you are not affected by her beauty at all, and you don't think she is special at all. You need to be a totally selfish bastard.
When you are with these hot girls, you have to cut every rapport away from her. She needs to create rapport with you. If you show any sign of interest and attraction to her, it might be a turn off to her. Remember that she can get whatever she wants and if you already show any attraction to her, it'll get boring for her. Don't give her what she wants.
Here are some examples when conversing with a 10:
- 10: Can you hand me this glass?
Me : You have arms and legs. - 10: I am helping my friend... He has a problem with his girlfriend... She takes drugs...(BlahBlahBlah)... He needs my help.
Me : ....Give him a blowjob. - 10 : I think I want to live somewhere else, maybe New York. Or... I'm not sure... Africa maybe as well.
Me : Yeah, go to the jungle, that's best for you. - 10 : I like (band/color/food/you get it)
Me : I hate (her favorite band/color/food/you get it)
You have to be really careful how you take her IOIs (Indication of Interest).
If she says something like: "I like you, I can't get enough of you, you make me so happy..." Don't drop your game and think it's game over, you win. If you reply saying something like: "I really care about you also.. I like you a lot." It will be game over for YOU. Why? Because you showed her affection and she will see you as like the other guys she has been with and dealt with.
It's a sensitive game to play... making one mistake will cost you.
It is best to be congruent with your original image.
I want to thank a PUA named "badboy" at a forum. I've read his article on how to treat really attractive women and pretty much the whole thing you read above is his teachings! I still follow the above advice and I've been with two really attractive girls and I am in a year relationship with one of them.
I wish you all the best of luck! Go out there and socialize!
-Marcus
GoodSideoftheNet.com Attraction and Love Advice
P.S = You have Attraction/Love problems? Click here to send your problem to me and I will try to help you out.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
The First Move / How to Approach Women
Tim asks: "learn how to make the first move and how to approch woman"
Ron asks: "Hey Marcus, how are we supposted to start? like, when i see a girl that i'm attracted to, what do i do now?"
Many others ask: "What is the first step to attraction?!"
As you can see, the first move is asked a lot. Even though I encourage people to put a more detailed story (do you go to high school? are you trying to attract women at bars? etc.), I will share with you the first step to attraction.
The very first step is: OPENING
Opening a girl is walking up to her and saying something! Let me just tell all you guys out there right now... if you don't walk up to girls and talk to them, you are not getting a girlfriend anytime soon. Saying "hi" to a girl is 50 times better than saying nothing at all!
So let's start:
Guys have asked me if there are clever pick up lines that I use to get all the girls, which leads me to another little secret that people should know by now: PICK UP LINES DO NOT WORK! It's just stupid. You pretty much ask the girl if she wants to get into bed with you and have sex. That's what all women think whenever you use a pick up line so don't use these. I can't stress enough.
Okay fine... no more pick up lines. But then what should I start the conversation with?!
Most girls out there, especially attractive ones, are either with their friend or a group of friends. The girl that you are attracted to will become your target while her friend or group of friends are the obstacles. Most people know by now that girls protect their friends from creeps so don't get too attached with your target and only talk to her, because you will bore the obstacles and pull her away from you.
You need to bring her obstacles into your conversation so they can also respect you! Think of it this way; if you walk in a circle with people talking with each other and laughing, then they see you come in the circle and start talking to one of the girls ONLY inside the group. They will be more protective on her because they don't have your respect or trust.
Now let's rewind. You walk into the group of people, smiling (OF COURSE), and you start introducing yourself to everyone, being friendly with your target's friends. You should always introduce yourself to the target LAST. I do this so it shows your target and her friends that you aren't hitting on her. Great ways to spark a conversation in a group (which I will call a set from now on) is by asking the people in it a question that concerns you and you need advice. This will bring the people together and talk about your situation and they will start offering advice. Girls love hearing this kind of stuff because it is interesting to talk about (but it all depends on the situation you need help with... don't ask advice on what Operating System you should get from your laptop...)
Some good, funny examples:
#1:
PUA: Can I have a female opinion on something?
HB: Yes/What? /No!
PUA: Do I look Gay?
HB: Yes/That's a stupid question/No (I usually get No)
PUA: Well, I'm here with my friends, so I can't stay with you guys, but we were hanging out in [insert bar/pub/lounge/club name] and this one guy approached me and started flirting with me.
Then you can play silly and fluff them up by asking them if you should wear a pink sweater.
#2:
Hey guys, I need a female opinion. Do you believe in karma?
If you don't know, Karma is a belief that whatever you do comes back to you, e.g. if you do something good, something good will happen to you, and vice versa.
OK, I'm actually with my friends here, but I can stay some time ... some things happened to one of my friends, and so I'm starting to believe that there really is something similar to karma. Listen to what happened to him.
So one of my friends was throwing a party. And of course there was alcohol involved. So this other friend, who was a little bit pissed, arrived in the middle of the party. So in the end of the evening they both got into a fight, and are sworn enemies now.
And some weeks back there's another party happening. So one of my friends is invited to the party and the other friend’s sister. So you can predict what will happen and they hook up and are in love.
And now I don't understand either that is karma, or do girls just like jerks. :P
--------------
I personally don't use this opening because I find the story to be kind of lame but the premise is great. Talking about karma, and how she can't reject you, because she is going to die lonely then. The punch line is also very predictable, but it works.
What if the girl is by herself? She's sitting down at the bus stop bench or something.
I prefer to keep away from opinion openings because... think about it... you walk up to her and ask for her opinion about something, she'll be like "umm why me? Why you need my help for?" I learned this the hard way when I asked a girl at a restaurant for her opinion and then she started to shit-test me, asking me why I need her opinion and why I couldn't ask anyone else. Bad move on my part so I just said to her, "Wow... okay fine, I'll ask someone else more helpful." Then that is when I ejected away from there and opened a set (group of three girls) with the same opinion opening and they were more than glad to help me out. See! I learn from my mistakes by being social! I learned that it's better to say an opinion opening to a group of people than it is to say it to a single person.
Whenever I do see a single girl by herself, I usually say a functional opener. Functional openers carry the lowest risk-reward profile. They relate to conversational subjects (usually
questions) that most people feel socially bound to answer. For example: “Do you have a light?” or “Do you know how to get to X Street / X Restaurant / X Place?” Usually these openers aren't that great but if you can pull it off successfully by continuing with the conversation without showing any interest to her, you will be able to attract the girl. Here's a perfect example of a successful Functional Opener (from a PUA named Harlequin):
Harlequin: “Excuse me, do you have the time?”
Julia: “2:20...”
Harlequin: “Damn, I’m late... do you know the way
to the sports centre? I got a game starting in 10
minutes...”
[She either knows or she doesn’t...]
Harlequin: “It’s just over there, huh? Damn what a
trek... can I get a piggy back?”
[I was on the way to Leeds Olympic Pool - which
had to be renamed Leeds International Pool because
the builders messed up and made it one inch short
of 50 meters. I was full of energy and enthusiasm
and saw this woman. I approached her less than
500 yards from the pool and asked her for directions
and she didn’t know... so I teased her about
this and then directed her to the pool. It was zany,
but she loved it. Before I approached her, she was
standing alone at the bus stop and then some nutter
(me) approaches and makes her laugh. That made
her happy that I was there; it’s better than being
alone. She ended up ignoring her bus when it came
by.]
Harlequin: “What? That was yours? You just missed
your bus?”
Julia: “Yeah... I’m supposed to signal”
Harlequin: “Wow... not only do you not know where
the world’s greatest non-Olympic pool is, but you
suck with public transport...”
Julia: “Well I was kind of distracted...”
Harlequin: “Are you one of those women that stands
on the street at night... waiting for taxis, or are you
the sort that books one in advance?”
…and off Harlequin and Julia go into a normal conversation.
That is a great way to tease a girl and get into a normal conversation without her feeling strange with you. Remember that you need to make her feel comfortable with you by negging (teasing her playfully) her or showing no attraction to her. I highly recommend guys out there to never show attraction to a girl until she does. Here's a quick plan for you (created by a well known PUA named Mystery):
1) OPEN - to get you into her group and in front of the girl
2) F2M female to male attract - to get her attracted to you
3) M2F male to female attract - to show that you have grown attracted to her for legitimized reasons.
-Marcus
GoodSideoftheNet.com Attraction and Love Advice
Ron asks: "Hey Marcus, how are we supposted to start? like, when i see a girl that i'm attracted to, what do i do now?"
Many others ask: "What is the first step to attraction?!"
As you can see, the first move is asked a lot. Even though I encourage people to put a more detailed story (do you go to high school? are you trying to attract women at bars? etc.), I will share with you the first step to attraction.
The very first step is: OPENING
Opening a girl is walking up to her and saying something! Let me just tell all you guys out there right now... if you don't walk up to girls and talk to them, you are not getting a girlfriend anytime soon. Saying "hi" to a girl is 50 times better than saying nothing at all!
So let's start:
Guys have asked me if there are clever pick up lines that I use to get all the girls, which leads me to another little secret that people should know by now: PICK UP LINES DO NOT WORK! It's just stupid. You pretty much ask the girl if she wants to get into bed with you and have sex. That's what all women think whenever you use a pick up line so don't use these. I can't stress enough.
Okay fine... no more pick up lines. But then what should I start the conversation with?!
Most girls out there, especially attractive ones, are either with their friend or a group of friends. The girl that you are attracted to will become your target while her friend or group of friends are the obstacles. Most people know by now that girls protect their friends from creeps so don't get too attached with your target and only talk to her, because you will bore the obstacles and pull her away from you.
You need to bring her obstacles into your conversation so they can also respect you! Think of it this way; if you walk in a circle with people talking with each other and laughing, then they see you come in the circle and start talking to one of the girls ONLY inside the group. They will be more protective on her because they don't have your respect or trust.
Now let's rewind. You walk into the group of people, smiling (OF COURSE), and you start introducing yourself to everyone, being friendly with your target's friends. You should always introduce yourself to the target LAST. I do this so it shows your target and her friends that you aren't hitting on her. Great ways to spark a conversation in a group (which I will call a set from now on) is by asking the people in it a question that concerns you and you need advice. This will bring the people together and talk about your situation and they will start offering advice. Girls love hearing this kind of stuff because it is interesting to talk about (but it all depends on the situation you need help with... don't ask advice on what Operating System you should get from your laptop...)
Some good, funny examples:
#1:
PUA: Can I have a female opinion on something?
HB: Yes/What? /No!
PUA: Do I look Gay?
HB: Yes/That's a stupid question/No (I usually get No)
PUA: Well, I'm here with my friends, so I can't stay with you guys, but we were hanging out in [insert bar/pub/lounge/club name] and this one guy approached me and started flirting with me.
Then you can play silly and fluff them up by asking them if you should wear a pink sweater.
#2:
Hey guys, I need a female opinion. Do you believe in karma?
If you don't know, Karma is a belief that whatever you do comes back to you, e.g. if you do something good, something good will happen to you, and vice versa.
OK, I'm actually with my friends here, but I can stay some time ... some things happened to one of my friends, and so I'm starting to believe that there really is something similar to karma. Listen to what happened to him.
So one of my friends was throwing a party. And of course there was alcohol involved. So this other friend, who was a little bit pissed, arrived in the middle of the party. So in the end of the evening they both got into a fight, and are sworn enemies now.
And some weeks back there's another party happening. So one of my friends is invited to the party and the other friend’s sister. So you can predict what will happen and they hook up and are in love.
And now I don't understand either that is karma, or do girls just like jerks. :P
--------------
I personally don't use this opening because I find the story to be kind of lame but the premise is great. Talking about karma, and how she can't reject you, because she is going to die lonely then. The punch line is also very predictable, but it works.
What if the girl is by herself? She's sitting down at the bus stop bench or something.
I prefer to keep away from opinion openings because... think about it... you walk up to her and ask for her opinion about something, she'll be like "umm why me? Why you need my help for?" I learned this the hard way when I asked a girl at a restaurant for her opinion and then she started to shit-test me, asking me why I need her opinion and why I couldn't ask anyone else. Bad move on my part so I just said to her, "Wow... okay fine, I'll ask someone else more helpful." Then that is when I ejected away from there and opened a set (group of three girls) with the same opinion opening and they were more than glad to help me out. See! I learn from my mistakes by being social! I learned that it's better to say an opinion opening to a group of people than it is to say it to a single person.
Whenever I do see a single girl by herself, I usually say a functional opener. Functional openers carry the lowest risk-reward profile. They relate to conversational subjects (usually
questions) that most people feel socially bound to answer. For example: “Do you have a light?” or “Do you know how to get to X Street / X Restaurant / X Place?” Usually these openers aren't that great but if you can pull it off successfully by continuing with the conversation without showing any interest to her, you will be able to attract the girl. Here's a perfect example of a successful Functional Opener (from a PUA named Harlequin):
Harlequin: “Excuse me, do you have the time?”
Julia: “2:20...”
Harlequin: “Damn, I’m late... do you know the way
to the sports centre? I got a game starting in 10
minutes...”
[She either knows or she doesn’t...]
Harlequin: “It’s just over there, huh? Damn what a
trek... can I get a piggy back?”
[I was on the way to Leeds Olympic Pool - which
had to be renamed Leeds International Pool because
the builders messed up and made it one inch short
of 50 meters. I was full of energy and enthusiasm
and saw this woman. I approached her less than
500 yards from the pool and asked her for directions
and she didn’t know... so I teased her about
this and then directed her to the pool. It was zany,
but she loved it. Before I approached her, she was
standing alone at the bus stop and then some nutter
(me) approaches and makes her laugh. That made
her happy that I was there; it’s better than being
alone. She ended up ignoring her bus when it came
by.]
Harlequin: “What? That was yours? You just missed
your bus?”
Julia: “Yeah... I’m supposed to signal”
Harlequin: “Wow... not only do you not know where
the world’s greatest non-Olympic pool is, but you
suck with public transport...”
Julia: “Well I was kind of distracted...”
Harlequin: “Are you one of those women that stands
on the street at night... waiting for taxis, or are you
the sort that books one in advance?”
…and off Harlequin and Julia go into a normal conversation.
That is a great way to tease a girl and get into a normal conversation without her feeling strange with you. Remember that you need to make her feel comfortable with you by negging (teasing her playfully) her or showing no attraction to her. I highly recommend guys out there to never show attraction to a girl until she does. Here's a quick plan for you (created by a well known PUA named Mystery):
1) OPEN - to get you into her group and in front of the girl
2) F2M female to male attract - to get her attracted to you
3) M2F male to female attract - to show that you have grown attracted to her for legitimized reasons.
-Marcus
GoodSideoftheNet.com Attraction and Love Advice
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Welcome to the Attraction and Love Advice Blog, brought to you by GoodSideoftheNet.com
Hey everyone.
It's me, Marcus. I'm the PUA and I've partnered up with GoodSideoftheNet.com to fill their Attraction and Love advice spot. I've helped a lot of my friends with love problems and most of them were successful and it truly made me happy to see them happy.
I currently have a girlfriend (haha sorry ladies) but before her, I've been with plenty of girls during my high school and early college days. I'm here to give advice to those who are having women problems (and I also help girls if they need advice from a guy).
To let you all know: I was once a really shy guy. I acted strangely when I talked to women and I would stutter. It was bad! But after learning more about the Mystery Method (great book! get it) and being more involved in the pick-up "art", I've gotten more comfortable with women and in no time, I've been attracting women without problems.
That's all I'm gonna say about me.
If you want to send your love/attraction problem to me, go to this page on GoodSideoftheNet.com: http://www.goodsideofthenet.com/advice
Have a good one!
--Marcus
It's me, Marcus. I'm the PUA and I've partnered up with GoodSideoftheNet.com to fill their Attraction and Love advice spot. I've helped a lot of my friends with love problems and most of them were successful and it truly made me happy to see them happy.
I currently have a girlfriend (haha sorry ladies) but before her, I've been with plenty of girls during my high school and early college days. I'm here to give advice to those who are having women problems (and I also help girls if they need advice from a guy).
To let you all know: I was once a really shy guy. I acted strangely when I talked to women and I would stutter. It was bad! But after learning more about the Mystery Method (great book! get it) and being more involved in the pick-up "art", I've gotten more comfortable with women and in no time, I've been attracting women without problems.
That's all I'm gonna say about me.
If you want to send your love/attraction problem to me, go to this page on GoodSideoftheNet.com: http://www.goodsideofthenet.com/advice
Have a good one!
--Marcus
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